Hot as Ice

Today I woke up at 4am and felt like my whole body was on fire. My roommate is always cold and I, unfortunately find myself being burned out of my own room. Its either the heat that makes me venture down the hall or the fact that it is completely trashed. Their are clothes all over the room. Its disgusting. I was told she would clean on Friday, so I cleaned up all of my stuff and even cleaned the bathroom before I went to play practice. I expected it to be clean when I got home, but if its at all possible it was an even bigger mess. Then she said she would clean Saturday, but that sure as hell didn’t happen and it didn’t happen yesterday when she said she was going to clean either. Its gotten ten times worse since Friday and what is really funny is that last Sunday night we had the entire room spotless and we even rearranged everything. I got up at an ungodly hour this morning, was exhausted and taught for 3 hours and was still able to make my bed and put away my pjs and other shit before going to classes. She can’t even pick up her clothes! Okay, no more ranting about that, its time to move on to more important issues.

The bitch is back.  First, let me jut say that when she had that shitty ass convo with my boyfriend I was fucking pissed and wanted to kill her, slowly. But the boy and I worked things out and I decided to be the bigger person. So I just was gonna not make a big deal about it and so when the next day I found out her brother was in a coma I helped her pack and was nothing but nice. Well then after she left i found out that she had been asking everyone if they knew if I was mad at her but she had never said shit to me about. I was the only fucking person she should have been talking about it to in the first place, cuz she told multiple people my business. SO I was a little pissed about that. THEN she went around telling people that she couldn’t talk to my boyfriend because i said no. When in actuallity he told me he didnt want to talk to her anymore. I can’t wait until she fucking transfers!

Disappointment Knows No End…

I plan my days around his schedule. Literally, I shower when he is working out, I do homework when he is at the trainer, and I do my magazine work while he is working. I’m surprised I don’t plan each breath around his. I like to be 10 minutes early to class, so I can get my stuff organized and be ready to go in case the professor starts early, but he begs me to wait for him each morning, and I end up getting to class with only a minute to spare. And if i leave without him, I am a horrible girlfriend. Something like that happens almost every day and I am sick of it!

Tonight was the last straw. I was ready to go to bed around 10:30, because I had a really shitty and exhausting day. But of course he has to much work to do, so I sit up with him so that we can go to bed together. So I am bored and decide to start a new book I have been wanting to read. So, 11:45 rolls around and he shuts his books and says, “okay, lets go” and when I don’t instantly put my book up and jump to go, he starts whining “Baby, I have to get up at 6, can we please go to bed?” And thats when I snapped. I was ready to go to bed an hour and fifteen minutes ago but I stayed up yet he can’t even let me finish the damn chapter!  So I told him how I felt and then kicked him out. But of course, I’ll probably feel bad and head down there in about ten minutes…just like I always do…..

And the phone rings….

The phone rings and its always something bad. People never call you with good news, cuz they would rather wait and tell you in person. But if its bad news, they would much rather tell you over the phone, so that they don’ t have to see or deal with your reaction. Like when one of my best friends died in a skiing accident, and I got a call and a simple, “Jo died in a skiing accident.” Thats it, no leading up to it, just the statement followed by a quick, “I have to call more people, talk to you later.” The person who called me and told me that was cold and didn’t seem to give my feelings a second thought, which is why, almost 2 years later, I still can’t stand to talk to her. The thing that makes it worse is that she is 40 years old and should have known how to handle the situation better.

Yesterday I got another phone call, but this one was different. It still delivered bad news, but the deliverer did it in a way that made me feel bad for being upset, because they tried to spare me from the pain.  It worked, until today that is, when i was thinking about it in between classes and I got so upset that I couldn’t even go to class. I balled my eyes out in my room for 15 minutes.  And now I have to pretend not to be sad, because there is way to many things that I have to do…I don’t have time to be sad or worried, leave that for the people who don’t have to work there asses off simply to survive.